![]() ![]() My new year resolution? Buy more shoes, drink more wine, and don’t worry about the gym. I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s. The most fun part about making New Year’s resolutions is breaking New Year’s resolutions. My New Year’s resolution is to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. May you become smart enough to realize that resolutions don’t come true and wise enough to know that the difference between a new year and an old year is 1 minute past 12am. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. Unfortunately, I don’t have any resolutions to make since I’m already perfect. He who breaks a resolution is a weakling He who makes one is a fool. ![]() I would lose weight for my New Year’s resolution, but I hate losing. Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.Ī New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. So make ‘em and break ‘em, but keep your sense of humor with these quotes and sayings. No worries though! People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t. Though many people make a New Year’s resolution, less than 10% will achieve their resolution. You only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow. People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. ![]() I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say, “I ordered this a year ago!” Happy New Year!Įvery man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time.Ī sparkly new year to start fresh on old bad habits. New Year is a time to start afresh, to start things all over again, but you realize things are too complicated and you can’t start. Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.ĭeep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties. The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. It’s time to make old mistakes in different ways. If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone. ![]() Let us celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we successfully wasted this year. I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home. Happy New Year! It is midnight already, and you are getting old – just go to sleep! Good parties create a temporary youthfulness. Though I am wishing you a very happy New Year, remember you still have the same old louse of a spouse! That’s why it’s the best holiday!įirst you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. New Year’s Eve is finally here, where we can be drunk in public and no one minds. I can’t wait to control-alt-delete 2021, and start anew.Ĭome, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. Beware, you may find some a bit rude!īefore I agree to 2022, I need to see some terms & conditions.Īn optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. New Year’s Eve means parties, and kicking the old year to the curb.Ĭelebrate with these silly sayings and quotes. Follow Dani on Instagram, and pin these images to Pinterest (with a link back to this page) but don’t download the images. Illustrated quotes are © PositivelyPresent and used with permission as a Patreon supporter. They’re perfect for Instagram captions and engaging Facebook content fans love to share. And more humorous quotes to kick off the new year.New Year’s letter board quotes to get a grin.Share these funny New Year’s quotes and start the year laughing! ![]()
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